Funny Puns

• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said
  'No change yet'.

• What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

• He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.

• The harm caused by sibling rivalry is relative.

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

• He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

• Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

• A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

• Prison walls are never built to scale.

• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

• At a pet store: 'buy one dog, get one flea'.

• He wears glasses during math because it improves division.

• Let's talk about rights and lefts. You're right so I left.

• When chemists die, we barium.

• The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

• A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

• He'd never gone hunting but decided to give it a shot.

• A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

• Be kind to your dentist because he has fillings too.

• Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.