New Year’s Resolutions for Internet Junkies

1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 10 e-mail addresses.
2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife.
3. I resolve to work with neglected children .. my own.
4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
5. I resolve to back up my 40GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe...
6. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
7. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won’t reply "MS Tech Support."
8. I will read the manual ... just as soon as I can find it.
9. I will think of a password other than "password."
10. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning .. 4:30 is much more practical.
11. If I move to a new home, I'd landscape before I Netscape.
12. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
13. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL ... LOL!"
14. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to,
uh, get my, err... I resolve to, uh, get my, err, off-line work
done, too!


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Easy To Keep New Year Resolutions

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
7. Quit giving money & time to charity.
8. Start being superstitious.
9. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
10. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
11. Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
12. Not eat cloned meat.
13. Create loose ends.
14. Get more toys.
15. Get further in debt.
16. Not believe politicians.
17. Break at least one traffic law.
18. Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
19. Stay off the MIR space station.
20. Not swim with piranhas or sharks.
21. Associate with even worse business clients.
22. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.
23. Wait around for opportunity.
24. Focus on the faults of others.
25. Mope about my faults.
26. Never make any more new year resolution.


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Cat's New Year Resolutions

1..I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs,then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that i'm getting plenty of roughage.
2..I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
3..I will not perch on my humans chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up .
4..I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that i am thristy after sitting in my water bowl.
5..I will not stickmy paw into any container to see if there is something in it. if I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
6.. When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead, I will not bite down on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares my human....


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