Irish Jokes

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.

Q: Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold?
A: They like to "go" first class!

Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!

Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patty O'furniture!

Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A: A bachelor.

Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day?
A: St. O'Claus!

Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A: Sure, they're green with envy!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
A: The Halfback of Notre Dame!

Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A: To keep from falling in the stew!

Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?
A: Sure, they're great at shorthand!

Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
A: He took a shortcut!

Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
A: Short ribs!

Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A: Because they're very short-tempered!

Q: What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
A: Paddy O'Furniture!

"I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."
"Oh, really?"
"No, O'Reilly!"

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Don.
Don who?
Don be puffin' down the Irish now!


Irish business men have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone loses them.


The Irish attempt on Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding.


Then there was the Irishman who sued the local baker for forging the Irishman's signature on a hot cross bun....