101Kidz : Jokes : Miscellaneous Jokes
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Q: What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
A: Dill me in!

Q: What do you call a nervous celery stalk?
A: An edgy veggie.

Q: Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?
A: It was just a stage he was going through.

Police: "I'm sorry, but I have to bring you in for driving 90 miles an hour."
Driver:"But sir, that's impossible, I've only been driving for ten minutes at the most."

Rose: "Excuse me, waiter, is there spaghetti on the menu?"
Waiter: "No,madam, I wiped it off."

Actress: Have you ever seen me on T.V.?
Fan: On and off.
Actress: How did you like me?
Fan: Off.


Kids - Excuse Notes

Excuse Notes (Allegedly Original, including spelling)

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the craps.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

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